Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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