it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
