is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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