I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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