Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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