Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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