I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
