Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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