Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
