I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
