I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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