Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
