every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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