I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
MIDGETS
????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
