We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
