Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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