well you can't waste a boner
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
