I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
