Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
