My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
