just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
