8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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