Nicole vs. Life
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it glows. i had to have it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
