What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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