soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
