Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
