I got chris browned last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
