What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
