Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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