we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
