I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize