after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
