Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
