All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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