Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
