He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
