we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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