make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
