im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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