Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its liver damage thursday
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
