Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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