Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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