Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
