i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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