You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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