I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
