Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
