I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
