google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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