It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
