I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
birth control should be required to get into college
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
