I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
