I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
