also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
