I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
