she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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