This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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