mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
