I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
