I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
