i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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