my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
