I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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