Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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