Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
