i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
