that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
