She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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