There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
