It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
