I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
